So all day yesterday I struggled. And thought. And pondered. And prayed. I watched EWTN. Surfed the net – there are some weird things out there. I tried to read – no concentration. Would this help? Would that? All day yesterday, I struggled.
Eventually, I decided to go to Mass and to go a little early and pray some more. And that is what I did.
I was surprised to find that one of the Bible readings was the same as that I’d read on Saturday. Joshua asking the Israelites to choose God or choose to worship the Pagan Deities in the Promised Land.
While the people went forward to receive Communion, I sat quietly. And I started going through the Apostle’s Creed. Do you believe this line, Laura? Do you believe that one? My sticking point came with the Resurrection. I believed the rest of the Creed but not that. And then Mass was over and I came home.
And now I struggled with the Resurrection. And it occurred to me that I could believe various other unusual, Biblical events. I could even believe that Lazarus was raised from the dead. But not Jesus. I looked at my thought processes surrounding Lazarus. And I realised that I ‘choose to believe.’ It’s not that I’ve been given any supernatural proof or a feeling or inspiration. I just read it in the Bible one day and chose to say ‘Yep. That happened. That’s what I believe.’
Believing isn’t something that happens to a person. It’s something they choose to do. And, today, I choose to believe in the Resurrection.
I choose to follow God.